Hi Cosette,

They were throughout our marriage, our parenting.

After the divorce, I hoped he would come to spend more time, not less, parenting. But that wasn't the case. When we split up, my daughter was in college, our youngest was fifteen.

Some of the micro-disappointments became mega.

But now, they open up a bit more. But I wonder how I was being as well - was my desire to take care of myself through a bad marriage spilling over as well? Perhaps.

Kids are the collateral damage, I'm afraid.

It's not until later that we learn that. And that stinks - for everyone.

And absolutely - I don't have to back him up or apologize for him now. I did a lot of that back then. Because that's part of the partnership. But it isn't any more, I guess. I could be the ex wife who says, "he's awful!"

But I don't. Namaste.