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I Got Everything I Wanted Out of Our Divorce
Just Not How or When I Wanted It
I’ve been a single, post-married woman for going on six years now. I say “post-married” because there was the physical separation, where I moved out of the home we’d shared for fifteen years, and then the divorce process, which was so drawn out that even my attorney commented on how ludicrously thick the file folder was becoming, and then the protracted process of selling that house I’d moved out of, and the resulting court filing because in our relationship nothing ever went according to plan.
It’s been a long haul. Just last spring, I felt finally released from all of the trappings of being married — legally tethered to another human being.
When I first talked through the possibility of leaving my husband, I spoke in meek terms to my therapist. I was sure I shouldn’t do it. I spoke of him as a fine, well-intentioned father and man. A good provider who was often described by those who knew him as the kind of person who would “do anything for anyone.” It was difficult and painful for me to dig down to the emotional root of truth: he was not that man to our family; he was only that man to other people. To coworkers and students. He withheld time and energy and love from the people he should have given those things to freely. But far more difficult than reckoning with the fact that I…
