I, too, struggle with the nonsensical body- and brain-bashing of the game. That friend Paul who died too young was thanks to opiates used to treat pain that resulted from midlife surgeries connected to years-old football injuries. It’s watching on a knife’s edge. Nonetheless, there’s just something about the sport that keeps me coming back. Something that I resented having taken away, and that I’m glad was restored. I suppose I just try not to think about all those brains rattling around inside helmets as I would have tried not to think about the families of unfortunate gladiators…