Member-only story
Imagine There’s No One Left to Impress
It Feels Amazing
Not long after birth, we figure out that the things we do, from smiling to cooing to just wiggling around, will net us some level of approval from those around us. We figure out fairly quickly that those rewards feel great, and we work to get them as often as possible.
It doesn’t take long, then, to begin fearing that we’ll lose that approval, lose that reward. If we don’t get the smiles and feedback that we once had, we miss it — terribly.
We begin to, and continue to, be nervous that people don’t like us, or worse — don’t love us, and that we don’t make people happy.
We spend lots and lots of our lives trying to prove to them, and to ourselves, that we are worthy. Some of us find it easier than others. Over time, plenty of us internalize criticism, overemphasize judgment, hang on to teasing or ridicule. We look too deeply into value-judgments from others and place a premium on them.
And we also fear what they might think of us if we changed, even a little, of who we are. What if we improve, but not enough? What if we improve, but too much? If we succeed and become unrecognizable, will we still be the person they thought they loved? What if we succeed at first…but then fail later on?
