Jillian,

I don’t think that makes you the “bearer of bad news.” I think sure, we all know our kids will reveal more and more to us as they get older, if they feel comfortable doing so. What is unique to the divorced parent-child relationship is that the other parent is absent, and you hear snippets that you wouldn’t otherwise, and you hear them without the other present, in conversations they might not otherwise offer up.

I doubt much of this would have surfaced if they were in a different box, in a different mood. For example, I never felt the desire to tell my mom, while she was living, about how many missteps she made in explaining my adoption versus my brother’s natural birth — just faux pas and things, nothing hurtful — but I sure did tell her lots of stuff I got away with and how she missed plenty of opportunities to mete out punishments & things. You are totally right. But the children of divorce get to sort of air some grievances that the children of paired parents might not. It’s an interesting spot, and some parents use that opportunity poorly, others wisely

Thanks for your reply.