This Plague Brought Us — Peepsi.

As If Things Weren’t Bad Enough Already.

Credit: Pepsi X Peeps

When my friend Meredith send me the link, I thought it was a joke at first. Like an article from The Onion, maybe. But no, it’s true. As if America hadn’t gotten gross enough with spray cheese and corn dogs, now some marketing whiz kid has decided to combine spring’s most heinous sugary treat with the classic sugary drink in a can to give us: voila — marshmallow soda.

Now, don’t get me wrong. I’m not standing in opposition to all things marshmallow. I just went to a mountain cabin a couple of weekends ago, and had myself a delicious marshmallow toasted over an open fire. I’ve got nothing against marshmallows in general. And Peeps themselves are a harbinger of Easter if ever there was one. I used to put them in my kids’ baskets with reckless abandon. As a youngster, even I used to shove them in my mouth to guarantee a sugar high that can only be gotten thanks to the brand that brings us chicks and bunnies in a wide array of pastels.

I don’t also oppose Pepsi. I’ve been known to take a hit of their caffeine-infused goodness. I’ve even enjoyed their non-caffeinated delights. My grandmother used to stock her refrigerator with Pepsi in cans when they added a hint of lemon, and I’m old enough to remember Pepsi Clear. (Please don’t do the math.)

But somehow, this marketing ploy of what I am dubbing “Peepsi” just seems like a springtime trainwreck. The only way to get your hands on the tiny-sized drinks is through a lottery. They only come in 7.5oz cans, which is probably plenty large, since it is marshmallow-flavored after all. (How many ways can I say Ewwww….) You can get them only by lottery, through hashtagging #HangingWithMyPEEPS which is cute, if contrived.

Considering that some lucky winners will get not only the marshmallow Peepsi, but also a prize package, it feels a little bit like a Willy Wonka lottery, complete with Golden Ticket, but with pastel cans and a n as-yet-undisclosed grand prize.

I’m betting that the peeps who will love this most are approximately 12 years old, or are longing for the nostalgia we missed last year when Peeps production was halted thanks to the pandemic.

I’m not sure I want to taste peeps-in-a-can, but kudos to Todd Kaplan and crew from Pepsi for inventing Peepsi. Call your dentist for your May appointment, everyone, or at least see how you can work the cans into your prize-winning diorama! Let me know if your holiday dinner squeezes in a cocktail of Peepsi alongside the Spam, the Cheez Whiz, the Doughnut Burger, and the Movie Theatre Popcorn.

Happy Easter! Peeps out!

Susan is a runner, a mom of 3 grown children, and an avid traveler. She writes about humans, and wrote a book about false accusations of sexual assault.

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